wow that's quite a predicament, but it seems to me i have the answer as my narwhal does all that but underwater and my troll is Mexican! you're welcome! they should be arriving by submarine to your residence by presidents day (included with midgets and pointy hats) apologies about your penguin. he is now in my custody and i have named him Pepito. if you want him back i will have to ask for your and your mother's soul as

ransom.

Sincerely,

Stitches the Clown

just get Ernest the wonder rat to do stand up he works for free

My sister's nephew's cousin's mama's neighbour's cat will be having his Bar Mitzvah this Monday, but my penguin was detained in Mexican prison last night. He is supposed to be the main entertainer, but now he can't. No one can replace him, as his act is incredibly stupendous and complicated. He starts off by juggling fourteen live goats, then he tosses eight and a half midgets across the room at a dartboard (they have to wear pointy hats for this part). After this, he performs an incredible feat - he chops a beaner's head off with a rusty meat cleaver. That's where we ran into issues. Shortly before performing in San Antonio, he went down to Mexico to find a victim, and was arrested for being a penguin. Really quite racist if you ask me. Once I get him out of prison, he will never be on time for the Bar Mitzvah. We were going to make even more money his time, as he was going to drink a Molotov Cocktail and swallow a match. Damn. The Mexicans ruin everything.